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Trends we will regret

We’re all guilty of at least one.

Every decade, we’re facing with the joys and horrors of trends. Sure, they’re cool now, but in 20 years you’ll probably be laughing at how ridiculous you looked.

The 1970s welcomed paisley corduroy and pale yellow wallpaper. In the ’80s we had neon leg warmers and big hair. In the ’90s we regrettably listened to boy bands while playing POGs, and today we’re dealing with equally horrifying trends. Sure, they seem cool now, but you may come to regret them just as your 1987 high school yearbook picture or ‘NSYNC posters.

Here are 10 trends of the 2000s we’ll most regret:

1. Crocs – I’m happy to say that I’ve seen this trend slowly dying. I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone why these are bad. I don’t care how comfortable something is. Comfort doesn’t justify this trend being O.K.
2. Ed Hardy – I recently saw a man driving a car with an Ed Hardy air freshener hanging down. Nothing says “I’m a tool” like wearing a sparkly t-shirt with a skull on it.
3. Vera Bradley – It supplies superiority and grandmotherness all wrapped into one. It’s a difficult web you’ve built Vera, and it’s not good.
4. Awkward Tattoos – If you think the tattoo you got last week on your butt cheek is going to be your future wife’s favorite part about you then you’re probably mistaken. And ladies, if you think all the tattoos around your chest and stomach aren’t going to sag or stretch, then get ready for a pleasant surprise in about 20 years.
5. Uggs – I totally understand that your little footsies get cold in the winter. That is why prior generations created something called socks. It’s not cute to wear shoes that look like a large animal is attacking you from your feet up.
6. Fake Tans – A “healthy glow” is acceptable, but turning yourself orange or brown isn’t…unless you’re an Oompa Loompa. Having to explain a picture where you’re bundled up in a snow jacket with an orange/brown face is going to make you feel really stupid.
7. Ironic T-Shirts – If you wear a shirt that says “Cutie,” it doesn’t mean you are one. If you wear a shirt that says “FBI: Female Body Inspector” that means that women aren’t even going to get close to you. These are creepy and absolutely unacceptable.
8. Small Dogs – This may come as a surprise, but dogs are pets, not accessories. Now please leave your little Puggle or Smuddle or whatever hybrid creature you have in the safety of a small cage in your home.
9. Peekaboo One-piece Swimsuits – I’m talking about the J-Lo ones with cutouts on the side and in the back and under the boobs and right about the… Maybe I’m mistaken, but I thought the entire point of a one-piece was to cover yourself. Not even J-Lo can pull this off.
10. Skinny Jeans – The main issue that I have with skinny jeans is that the people who wear them aren’t skinny. The people who are skinny don’t even care about skinny jeans. Not to mention, they’re not the most flattering of cuts on anyone. One day your children will see pictures of us in skinny jeans and they will undoubtedly laugh at how bad you look.

I’m not condoning burning pictures of yourself if there’s any incriminating evidence of you with any of these perpetrators, but I am suggesting that you plan ahead.

P.S. I’m guilty of close to half of these sad trends. I’ll let you choose which ones.

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