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Mockery of mockery: ABC’s “Crash Course”

ABC’s “Crash Course,” a show designed around making fun of ‘regular’ Americans trying their luck at what the network has deemed an “outrageous” obstacle course, premiered tonight.

All I have to say is, what was ABC thinking? Who approved this show? Who, if you want to get right down to it, thought that this show would make any money/get a serious viewer following? Honestly?

I don’t know about you, but I’m a huge fan of the old “MXC,” formerly known as the “Most Extreme Elimination Challenge,” which really had the same concept as its American copy, however, it employed the use of hilariously outfitted Japanese commentators (Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano, both wearing their famous plastic Sumo wigs, every episode), hilariously maintained and delivered voice-overs for all the participants (“Right you are, Ken!”) and simply, plain old hilariously…well, everything.

SPIKE TV was also responsible for MXC, and likely its shining popularity. (ABC vs. SPIKE… You get my drift.)

This is what I think ABC should have followed for one of its newest prime time shows. But no. Of course not.

The ABC show, instead of using hilarious Japanese people (is that politically incorrect? well I don’t care because it’s true) it sticks husbands and wives, roommates, brothers and sisters…the monkeys and their uncles, together for competition in one very boring obstacle course that they have to strive to get through and progress to each successive round to win the ultimate prize of $50,000.

Did I mention there was no prize for the winning contestants in MXC? Nope. They endured giant “boulders” bashing them in the head, massive sumo wrestlers beer-belly busting them in the face, smacking face-first into plastic rocks in the water, “triking” off course and falling several feet into “dirty bog water,” running full speed into brick walls, giant balls with scary painted faces thrust at them while trying to keep balance on a few-inch log….all while keeping a green apple perfectly balanced on their head. The list just goes on and on with what these people went through. All for competition. All for the sake of plain old good entertainment. This is precisely what “Crash Course” lacks. It’s simply not funny.

Combine all of this with two hosts that no one’s ever heard of — Orlando Jones (“MadTV”) and Dan Cortese (“Veronica’s Closet”) — and you have a regular flop on national television, a flop that I could see from a mile away, a flop that’s going to cost ABC big when the show falls flat.

Then, you have some people complaining about how this show’s point seems to be to make fun of these American contestants trying their way through this ridiculous obstacle course. Well, duh. Of course that’s the point. Someone (idiot) thought it would be funny, funny enough to get a bunch of people to watch the show. That’s a joke in itself.

Mark my words…

And ABC… I’m available Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. I take my coffee black, and I think a nice million a year should do it. Thanks.

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