I don’t know about you, but I’m a huge fan of the old “MXC,” formerly known as the “Most Extreme Elimination Challenge,” which really had the same concept as its American copy, however, it employed the use of hilariously outfitted Japanese commentators (Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano, both wearing their famous plastic Sumo wigs, every episode), hilariously maintained and delivered voice-overs for all the participants (”Right you are, Ken!”) and simply, plain old hilariously…well, everything.

SPIKE TV was also responsible for MXC, and likely its shining popularity. (ABC vs. SPIKE… You get my drift.)

This is what I think ABC should have followed for one of its newest prime time shows. But no. Of course not.

The ABC show, instead of using hilarious Japanese people (is that politically incorrect? well I don’t care because it’s true) it sticks husbands and wives, roommates, brothers and sisters…the monkeys and their uncles, together for competition in one very boring obstacle course that they have to strive to get through and progress to each successive round to win the ultimate prize of $50,000.

Did I mention there was no prize for the winning contestants in MXC? Nope. They endured giant “boulders” bashing them in the head, massive sumo wrestlers beer-belly busting them in the face, smacking face-first into plastic rocks in the water, “triking” off course and falling several feet into “dirty bog water,” running full speed into brick walls, giant balls with scary painted faces thrust at them while trying to keep balance on a few-inch log….all while keeping a green apple perfectly balanced on their head. The list just goes on and on with what these people went through. All for competition. All for the sake of plain old good entertainment. This is precisely what “Crash Course” lacks. It’s simply not funny.

Combine all of this with two hosts that no one’s ever heard of — Orlando Jones (”MadTV”) and Dan Cortese (”Veronica’s Closet”) — and you have a regular flop on national television, a flop that I could see from a mile away, a flop that’s going to cost ABC big when the show falls flat.

Then, you have some people complaining about how this show’s point seems to be to make fun of these American contestants trying their way through this ridiculous obstacle course. Well, duh. Of course that’s the point. Someone (idiot) thought it would be funny, funny enough to get a bunch of people to watch the show. That’s a joke in itself.

Mark my words…

And ABC… I’m available Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. I take my coffee black, and I think a nice million a year should do it. Thanks.

The first of the two studies took place over the course of eight years, taking more than 20,000 beer drinkers and their beer-boasting habits into review. The results: although heavy drinkers were shown to put on some weight, it wasn’t necessarily on, around, or even near the belly.

It was those who drank more than 33 ounces, or two-and-a-half bottles, per day, that packed on the most pounds.

This study was published in the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition and reported by Fox News in a recent article.

The second study found that moderate drinkers are wealthier, more educated and less likely to be disabled than those who choose a fixed seat on the wagon, which would also relate to all those studies published about how alcohol has been shown to increase life expectancy.

According to Dr. Sei J. Lee of San Francisco VA Medical Center and his colleagues, one drink a day halved a person’s risk of dying over the next four years, as reported by Fox News. Even after taking into account several factors that could influence alcohol use and mortality, the effect was weakened, but moderate drinkers were still 28 percent less likely to die than non-drinkers.

Believe it or not, the very first study to demonstrate this information was published more than 70 years ago, back in 1923. I guess that makes sense, taking into consideration that whole Prohibition bit….

What is still uncertain, however, is whether moderate drinkers (and I have to stress MODERATE here, that doesn’t include Mr. “I can drink a case of Bud and be fine” Dude) are healthier, overall, than non-drinkers.

I personally think it has something to do with the fact that moderate drinkers may just be overall less stressed than non-drinkers. Alcohol is a depressant, and drinking it in social situations lowers people’s inhibitions and allows many to relax and enjoy themselves more. If one never takes it too far, I think a life a little more relaxed would be better than one a little more stressed. Not to mention, stress is one of the biggest causes of death in the United States. It helps skyrocket cholesterol and blood pressure, and even aids in increasing weight because of its relation to cortisol production in the body.

And as far as the moderate drinkers likely to have more money and more education, that study took into account functional disability and socioeconomic status.

Going back to Lee and his colleagues, they discovered that people who downed one drink a day had a significantly higher socioeconomic status than non-drinkers, as measured by income, wealth and years of education. As an example, 37 percent of drinkers had a college education, compared to 14 percent of non-drinkers, and 52 percent of drinkers had $300,000 in assets, while 21 percent of non-drinkers did.

They also found that non-drinkers also were more likely to have functional disabilities, such as difficulties in completing self-care activities like getting dressed or going to the bathroom, as well as problems with more complex activities such as making meals or managing their finances.

(This all goes back to what I touched on earlier…more relaxed and stress-free means less likely to develop problems. It’s all psychological.)

All this new information makes happy hour sound even, well, happier. Now, if I can only make it ’til 5:00….

At the closing of the registration, 1.6 million people managed to get through the almost constant “server unavailable” messages that popped up after hitting “submit,” as reported by ABC News.

Only 17,500 tickets will be selected, and that’s going to mean a lot of unhappy fans, at least 1.5 million of them. And in case you happen to be in that bunch, the memorial service will be broadcast on ABC News live at 1 p.m. ET on Tuesday, July 7.

Even bigger news might be the size of the crowd the Staples Center and the city of Los Angeles, really, is expecting. It might even be one of the most widely attended memorials in U.S. history, according to ABC News. The city is preparing for at least 700,000 people to show up. Of course, many people know they aren’t going to get a ticket, they’re just hoping to be able to get in or find a seat near enough to hear something when they arrive. Others just want to be as close to M.J. as they can get.

ABC News reported many hotels near the arena have already sold out of rooms, with some travelers planning a trip from as far as Europe to attend the service.

With all these people planning on being there, or just being around, this also presents a big problem for Los Angeles police as far as crowd control goes. With a place big enough to fit 20,000, and 700,000 show up, well, you can do the math. Sounds like it’s going to be more Jackson memorial service mayhem than anything else.

“It’s the family’s wish to create a service and a celebration that all of Michael’s fans around the world can be part of,” said Tim Leiweke, president and CEO of AEG, which owns the Staples Center.

Leiweke said it was the family’s idea to make sure at least 17,500 tickets were made available to Michael Jackson’s fans so that they could be “a part of the service.” The remaining 2,500 tickets will be given to family and close friends of the Jackson family at the family’s discretion.

As far as a funeral, well, there won’t be any preceding the event, and Leiweke did not answer questions about whether Jackson’s body would be displayed at the event. I guess he’s keeping the suspense going, ’cause I know we’re all wondering about that one.

Winners will be notified on Sunday, Leiweke said, between 11 a.m. and 8 p.m. “Those who were randomly drawn will receive a code to go to Ticketmaster.com and will then be provided with the specifics of where to go.”

Leiweke also mentioned that wristbands would be given to the winners, in an effort to ensure that the system is “not taken advantage of.”

He also made sure to mention that “No tickets will be sold for this memorial.”

It might be interesting to show up and see how many scalpers are there. No offense to Michael, but we all know what lengths people will go to for money, and with an even as big as this one’s sure to be, you know it’s going to happen. Sad, but true.

With this in mind, Leiweke said, “I’m hoping that people have dignity, and that no one takes advantage of this particular process.”

We shall see. I’m just waiting for this whole mess to be over so that M.J. can start resting in peace, finally.

That’s when Uncle Bernie slid the knife into his clients’ backs.

His scheme was well hidden and his methods well thought out.  In fact, his plan worked perfectly when the economy was in full swing because there was plenty of money to be had.  The only thing he had to do for his operation to remain behind the curtain was keep securing more investors willing to give him millions in exchange for his promise of substantial capital growth.

When the curtain was pulled back and the world saw the smoke and mirror’s behind Bernie Madoff’s wondrous magic trick, the world came crashing down.  

Madoff’s crime is one that far exceeded anything any other ponzi schemist has tried, and will likely be the largest such case to ever happen.  He bankrupted families all over the world, sapped heaps of money from the rich and brought down the executioner’s hammer on himself with his admittance of guilt.

His lawyers argued that 12 years would be a proper and well deserved sentence for his crime, given that the man is in his 70s.  

The judge had other ideas, however.

From the Associated Press: U.S. District Judge Denny Chin cited Hill’s letter as one of the most stirring examples of an “extraordinarily evil” fraud, one worthy of a staggering sentence for Madoff: 150 years behind bars.

“Here, the message must be sent that Mr. Madoff’s crimes were extraordinarily evil and that this kind of irresponsible manipulation of the system is not merely a bloodless financial crime that takes place just on paper, but it is instead … one that takes a staggering human toll,” Chin said.

The way that Madoff manipulated people into his scheme, as well as playing to their emotions, such as in a case where a woman lost her husband and Madoff put his arm over her shoulder, comforted her, and told her that her money was safe and not to worry.

Needless to say, the woman lost everything.

Madoff getting 150 years is nothing more than a symbolic gesture to set precedent for future trials where extraordinary cases of evil intent will be hit with the full force of the law without any mercy.  With how many suffered at the hands of this white collar criminal, mercy would be the last thing any of them wish for the crook to see.

Whether or not others will join Bernie in his fate, such as his wife and sons, remains to be seen.  Madoff has insisted that he acted alone and did not tell anyone, including his family, until he confessed to his sons about his elaborate scam.  The truth may never be known, but even if everyone involved had the book thrown at them, it wouldn’t bring back the life savings of all the people that suffered and are now left with nothing.

Then there’s the countless adoptions of Angelina Jolie and the new births of kids named Apple, Martini, Dewdrop, Lollygag, and whatever else the Hollywood folk can deem to punish their unwitting children before they learn to speak.

But what perhaps is the biggest mockery of the celebrities and their somewhat questionable habits is one that isn’t questionable at all.  Kate Gosselin, from the first successful venture in a real life Brady Bunch family setting, Jon and Kate Plus Eight, was caught on camera spanking one of her kids by the paparazzi.  The child was blowing a whistle while her mother was on the phone and was asked to stop, but continued anyway.  Doing what parents have been doing up until recently when children began to receive more rights than educated, well-meaning adults, she disciplined the child.  There is a saying: “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”

Most children these days are spoiled beyond belief, and it’s largely due to the media’s desperation for anything that resembles news to report on.  Its almost reached the point where any discipline whatsoever is frowned upon, including timeouts and scolding.

So how are any parents supposed to discipline an unruly child these days?

It seems the answers are Sesame Street and Nickelodeon.  TV has become a more effective parent than those responsible for feeding, clothing, and providing shelter for a child.  Parents’ hands are tied behind their backs, chained to the ceiling, with a hood over their heads, suspended over flaming coals.

Psychologists will argue that spanking can cause psychological trauma.  Sorry.  Psychology as a field started when Freud decided that boys want to have sex with their mothers, known as the Oedipus complex, just prior to 1900.  As far as a medical science is concerned, psychology is theory.  Theories are guesses.  Look into history and take into consideration how long physical discipline has been in practice and then determine how detrimental to society it was when it was widely accepted as the standard of punishment for a disobedient child.

There is a limit to spanking, and that’s when it starts to become abuse.  Broken bones, lacerations, and strikes to the face are all pretty commonly understood as excessive.  There is a line between losing your temper and abusing a child, and what is considered proper discipline.

Timeout is something middle and upper class citizens created when they were either unwilling to strike a child, too lazy, feared breaking a nail or getting their hands dirty, or now the societal repercussions.  Try putting a 17-year-old in ‘timeout’ or grounding them.  It’s impossible to ground a teen in today’s world because of how much of their education is dependent on that as their sole source of contact to the outside world.  Lets face it, kids today are deprived of the things they need like parents and friends.

Kids come home to watch TV, or play World of Warcraft.  Parents are afraid to interact with their children, or are simply unwilling to.  Journalism as a whole has slid from respectable reporting to thriving on the gossip of private lives, and as the hedonists we are, we soak up every little juicy tabloid garbage story.

Kate Gosselin spanking her child is just the latest story in the ongoing cycle of tabloids opting the way of Hulu advertising: to turn our brains into a jello-like pudding.

Microsoft plans to introduce their new search engine, (nick-named) Kumo, within the next few weeks. It will only be introduced at D:All Things Digital Event. But by the way that Google and Yahoo’s new add-ons look, Microsoft may want to work on it a little bit.

Kumo is the updated version of Live Search and features a left-hand navigation menu that breaks down each category into a subcategory. The look certainly is different than other search engines. Still, the questions remains if that will be enough.

According to CNET, Google recently introduced new enhancements. These will allow people searching “new ways to filter results and adding new types of data to the search results themselves.” Some other new options provided by Google include providing a news timeline and the option to turn results into a spreadsheet.

Yahoo plans to “redefine Internet search by focusing on intent, not results,” according to CNET. They have been working on a project called SearchMonkey which aims to get Web publishers using thoroughly descriptive tags. If publishers were to do this, searchers would know exactly what content they could expect to see on those pages.

As for Microsoft, they remain the third popular search engine. (Can you guess who the first two are?) They’re desperately trying to regain popularity by this revamp possibly because their online services lost $575 million of their $721 million in revenue, last quarter alone.

Maybe Microsoft $100 million advertising campaign will help. There is no known date to when Kumo will be available to the public, if it will be available to the public or what it will actually be named.

While this analysis is bleak for Microsoft, it speaks volumes of Google. Google was created in 1998 by Sergey M. Brin and Lawrence E. Page with everything to prove. From there, it’s basically taken over the Internet world with a search-engine, e-mail, mapping, social networking and countless other helpful technologies. Then, there’s poor Microsoft which was founded in 1975 by (you know who) Bill Gates. It only seems right that after over 30 years, that Microsoft would have a well-established fan base and would be at the top of the game.

With the overwhelming popularity of Google and Yahoo, is it really worth hundreds of millions of dollars for Microsoft to spend if we all know that there’s only a slim chance of success?

Perhaps this is their last attempt before giving up. Maybe this is their last hurrah. I know I can say, personally, that I’m a big fan of Google. I have it in my toolbar. It’s my go-to search engine. Part of me hopes that Microsoft finds success and the other part knows they’re wasting their time. People are creatures of habit and many of us have been using Google or Yahoo for years. Will we be able to give something new a chance?

One thing to be said about Microsoft is that they are darn persistent.

According to Fox News, the state’s Public Health Council will vote on Wednesday whether to make fast-food chains list the calorie counts of their menu items on their menus or menu boards.

Many expect these regulations to be more comprehensive than the ones California took on last September when it became the first U.S. state with menu labeling rules for fast-food chains like McDonald’s and Yum Brands’ KFC.

These rules may be coming at just the right time. Obesity has only grown in the U.S. in recent years. Regulations designed with intentions of allowing people to make better-informed decisions about the foods they eat could only provide benefits to the country at large.

In Massachusetts alone, more than half of the adults are overweight or obese, as reported by a 2008 state report that also showed adult obesity had doubled in 20 years.

New York also added a restaurant calorie information rule last year. Now more than a dozen states are considering similar provisions.

Unlike the California regulations, Massachusetts will include items at restaurant drive-through windows, where about 65 percent of fast food is purchased, according to ValueTheMeal.org, which has the most up to date draft of the rules.

Another difference between the two states and their menu regulations is that Massachusetts will not override rules in cities that impose stricter labeling rules at fast-food restaurants. In California, as an example, menu labeling rules passed in San Francisco, Santa Clara and San Mateo counties were dubbed null and void by the state law.

But what about the rights of the restaurants and their owners? Indeed, some restaurant companies have objected to additional government regulations. In New York City, Fox News pointed out, some have fought against the menu labeling rules with lawsuits. Other chains instead support what is known as the “Lean Act,” which would require restaurants and grocery stores that serve prepared food to post calorie counts on menus, menu boards or in other similar ways.

This proposed legislation sounds great, right? But what if the restaurants or grocery stores put that information on the back of a menu or in some place that people wouldn’t normally look? Information like that is easily hidden. With more and more people dining out these days, it’s important that this information is easily accessible and easily visible to consumers.

With obesity in this country busting with our growing pant sizes, a real obesity epidemic, regulations like those imposed in California and those about to be released in Massachusetts could certainly help us cut calories. It’s one thing not knowing about what that Quarter Pounder with cheese really has in it before you discover it’s actually 510 calories, 210 of those from fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat… Certainly, that would deter most people, and that’s not even considering the often accompanying regular French fry at 380 calories or the medium Coke at 210 calories. (This is all thanks to the nutrition facts McDonald’s has made available online. Not a very happy place for those Mickey Dee’s lovers out there.)

The only other point I have to add is that, sadly, the combination of rising food prices and a crumbling U.S. economy doesn’t help the fact that most fast food, such as with McDonald’s Dollar Menu, and most unhealthy food in general, is often the cheapest food to purchase. It could be argued that many families, with the current situation, are forced into eating unhealthy food choices like fast food items.